Lonely

Short post. Wishing I could find Amanda Hugnkiss. Sorry for the stolen pun. I'm really tired. I spent a few hours at club five. I feel like I made some good friends, but I'm not sure if I'm any closer to finding someone I could love. Online isn't panning out, the hockey team is moving slowly and the club seemed fruitless. Two months in Madison, and I'm worried that it's still going to be seven months before anything starts to align.

I'm not quite sure what's wrong with me. No one responds to my messages. I try cute, flirty, friendly, blunt, but I get silence in reply. The guys who do talk to me are taken already or seemingly terrified to meet in person. I choose open and public areas to play a friendly game of pool, but seems there's a resounding worry that there are stalkers out there, in other words they're worried I may be a stalker. I don't think people can judge themselves, so I can't say if this is absolutely true, but I'm just about the biggest teddy bear there is, and if you tell me to fuck off, I will leave you alone(maybe I'll ask what I did wrong, but I'll leave).

I'm just tired of being alone. Right at the end of my stay in Edmonton I met a guy that for once I felt I could love and live with. We were both leaving, though, so it was destined to just be a short fling. The worst part is that I now no longer feel like being alone. Prior to having that one short but intense relationship I was content with being a bit of a hermit. Now I have this hole, and I don't see any pieces that fit.